Logline and Blurb

Getting your novel to sell is a complicated process. I would think that the biggest part of having a successful novel is have a good novel. Well written and well edited. I think I’ve got half of that equation out of the way and I’m working on the editing now.

Another part of selling your novel is having a good cover; from the sketches that I’ve been sent by the cover artist I’m working with, I think it’s going to be a stellar piece that conveys the feeling of  The Cerberus Rebellion perfectly.

Finally, there is the log line and blurb. I think I’ve got my log line down:

As the nation of Ansgar prepares to celebrate a century of peace and prosperity, a war thousands of miles away begins a chain of events that will lead to rebellion, treachery and betrayal.

It’s my blurb that needs work. This was the first draft:

The nation of Kerberos has suffered under the subjugation of the Ansgari throne for one hundred years. Now, after a century of scheming and decades of preparation, Magnus Jarmann is ready to launch a war of independence that will free his people and return his country to its rightful place among the nations of Zaria.

Eadric Garrard was raised to believe that he was the rightful King of Ansgar and that his fearful subjects, even his loyal nobles, answered to his every whim.

He has spent most of his life looking over his shoulder for assassins with one eye and looking for ways to increase his prestige in the eyes of his allies with the other.

So when an opportunity arises to seal two alliances by sending his armies across the Vast Sea, Eadric sees the chance to further his standing with two powerful nations and remind his nobles who rules Ansgar with one action.

Little does he know that his actions will bring about events that will change his nation forever. He will discover that his subjects are not as fearful as he thinks, and that his nobles are far from loyal.

Raedan Clyve was an ordinary boy until an Elven ritual involving a griffin’s heart turned him into something more. Fifteen years later, Raedan still struggles with the magics that he gained and the consequences that come with them.

His problems were compounded when he was thrust into a nobility that he was not raised to have. Now he struggles to rule over a territory in the middle of rebuilding while facing pressure to find a suitable wife and father an heir.

When the King orders levies raised, Raedan fears the loss of men will cripple his wounded Barony and he must wrestle with obeying his sworn King or doing what is right for his people.

While his brother struggles with his newly-granted nobility, Hadrian Clyve has picked up where their father left off and works to expand his family’s influence.

His aggressive negotiation of alliances and shrewd choice of marriage agreements has earned him respect, and resentment.

Hadrian’s loyalty to his Duke has put him in a unique position to shape both the destiny of his family and the future of his nation.

The Cerberus Rebellion is set on the World of Zaria, where Elves, magic and mythical beasts coexist beside rifles and railroads. The futures of two nations hang in the balance as rebels and traitors trade gunfire with loyalists, mercenaries and pirates.

It was definitely too long by about 200 words so I had to trim some of that down.

Draft 2:

The Cerberus Rebellion is set on the world of Zaria, where Elves, magic and mythical beasts coexist beside rifles and railroads. The futures of two nations hang in the balance as rebels and revolutionaries trade gunfire with loyalists and tyrants.

Magnus was born to rule a nation that has been subjugated for a century fights. His fight to free his people will bring him face to face with a king that will not let him succeed.

Raedan been thrust into his role as a noble of Ansgar by fate and clever politics. He struggles with the responsibilities of his title and the magics that were granted to him through an ancient Elven ritual.

His brother, Hadrian, has made it his goal to make his family a political and economic powerhouse in the nation of Ansgar. He will see his family’s name raised to heights of power through political maneuvering, clever marriage agreements and pure force of will.

King Eadric’s grip on sanity is tenuous at best and he sees assassins in every shadow. The fracture of his nation is an affront to his authority and he leads his armies to bring hislost sheep back into the fold.

So, what do you think?

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About Joshua K Johnson

I'm a part-time writer, Author of The Cerberus Rebellion, a Gunpowder Fantasy set in my Griffins & Gunpowder universe. The Hydra Offensive, Book 2 in the Ansgari Rebellion series, is currently in edits! You can find my blog @ www.gunpowderfantasy.com where I talk about Gunpowder Fantasy and writing in general. I'm married with a 2 1/2yr old son that keeps me busy and currently work 2 jobs,

Posted on April 28, 2012, in writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Your logline (I didn’t know it had a name) is strong – succinct and suggestive. I wonder if a brief mention of what the consequences of the rebellion, treachery and betrayal are would be useful?

    I like your second draft blurb (I skipped the first – didn’t want to be unduly influenced!). I’m left wondering, however, what the connection between the four characters are, and why I should know about them. A short sentence – before or after – would go a long way: “The paths of [these] four men will collide, and where they meet, the fate of all of Zaria will be decided.”

    Other than that, the only other suggestion I have would be to remove “The Cerberus Rebeillion is set” from the opening sentence. I want to be drawn into your world from the outset, and this reminds me that it is only a story.

    In any case, you’ve got me hooked – I’ll be looking out for it on September 3!

    • I’ve actually got an updated version that I’m going to post later this evening when I get home from work. It gives a little more detail about how the characters are connected.

      Thanks for the suggestion to remove the opening line, I’ll definitely work that out.

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